Ok…I have a theory…
Over the water, many miles away in the ‘Vapeville Theme Park’…or…Shenzhen…as it likes to call itself these days…there was a guy…or girl…I’m not sexist…who worked for a well known vape manufacturer…and happened to be a bit of a tearaway, a ‘scamp’ as my father would say, and this person liked to dabble in things…illegal things…things young people like to experiment with while their nubile noggins are healthy enough to cope with the resulting euphoric bombardment …and catastrophic emotional aftermath…and I believe, through a series of misguided and unfortunate circumstances…that this person’s day…went a little awry…
“Dude…they’re running random drug tests in work today…please tell me you didn’t bring in those ‘things’ I asked for yesterday?”
“Erm…no?..wait…yes…was it you that asked for the naked pictures of my grandmother?”
“…you have naked pictures of your Grandmother…?”
“Who the fuck asked you for naked pictures of your Grandmother!?!..How did you GET naked pictures of your Grandmother and WHO THE FUCK would be doing random drug tests to see if anyone had naked pictures of their own Grandmother …what’s wrong with you you fucking weirdo!?!”
“DON’T answer that…did you get the drugs or not?”
“Ooooooh that was you…yeah…well…no…well I did, but then I noticed they were doing random drug tests when I got in…so I hid them”
“In the kettle in that brew room there”
(Brew room door opens)
“Mornin fellas (slurp)”
“…Please tell me that wasn’t Ken from the design department drinking tea from the kettle that you hid my drugs in”
“Ok…that wasn’t Ken drinking tea from the kettle I hid your drugs in”
“It was though wasn’t it…”
(sigh)…“Fine…how much for the pictures?”
Welcome back my trippy little fluff fairies, once again unto the breach as they say (literally no one has said that this century)…today’s offering is…well…it’s an odd one, I mean …I like odd …odd is different, and different is good…sometimes…on this occasion however…how can I put this…
Ken had an ‘interesting’ day at work…
Courtesy of my gluttons for punishment from the East…Heavengifts…I apprehensively present to you…the Arctic Dolphin Alfa 210w box mod…
Where to start…probably be a good idea to ask Ken where his influence came from when he was designing the Alfa…
The Arctic Dolphin Alfa is a 210w dual 18650 powered mod that is kept in check by their own chip…boasting a full TC suite for the usual wires, VW and bypass modes…It composes of a full metal jacket with a detachable side panel and takes tops up to…and including…25mm on it’s bolted on 510 plate.
It has an angled fire button…which by the way…I am very much a fan of, and the fire button itself…is actually very…very awesome…
Looks, feels and performs like a Mitec but I honestly don’t know if it is…I’m certainly not going to prise it from the Alfa’s skull to find out…just take my word for it…it’s very good.
The screen is…well…to all intents and purposes it could very well be a DNA screen…
Obviously you don’t get the advantages of using a third party software like EScribe to pair it with and customise your settings…but basic functions and navigation are very similar via the vertically placed dual buttons at the bottom of the front face…FYI…the buttons?..Also impressively well made.
The battery bay is super tidy and hidden away behind one of the magnetically fixed side panels…
The bay is a little on the snug side…but those magnets that keep the side panel on are HUGE…and who doesn’t like huge magnets…kinda reminds me of this super deep and thoroughly meaningful song I heard once…
Now…that’s the normal everyday stuff out of the way…everything from here on in…is all Ken.
We’ll start with one of the side panels…because I think this deserves its own accolade…
Uh huh…looks like one of those pictures a psychiatrist holds up and asks you “What do you see…?”
This part of the mod, was designed at precisely the moment that Ken’s ‘tea’ started to kick in, I have literally NO fucking clue what’s going on here…at all. It is, quite simply, the oddest looking side panel…in the history of odd looking side panels (there’s a history…??) …It’s made of what I can only describe…as a rubbery Denim?..and within this rubbery Denim…are some kind of …‘swellings’…with…‘futuristic’ circles…normally we would get ‘stabilised wood’ …or ‘swirly resin’ side panels…but these don’t have a name…and seeing as they don’t have a name…I am going to call them ‘rubbery Denim grip nipples’ …I feel that describes them perfectly.
They offer a surprisingly nice grip, although when I have the Alfa in my pocket…I do find myself ‘tweaking’ them with my fingers…which…when asked “WTF are you doing in your pocket??” …the answer “I’m tweaking my rubbery Denim grip nipples…Why?” …gets surprising reactions from the other mothers in the playground who are also picking up their children…
And it doesn’t stop there…if you flip the Alfa over…you get this…
It’s almost as though…by this point in the design, Ken was having just so much fun, that he didn’t want to stop designing it…
There’s no symmetry…no pattern…no…sense?..I would imagine Ken’s office manager had to step in at this point, in a calm and collected manner, to try and ease the befuddled ramblings that Ken’s creativity was spewing all over the drawing board…
But it was too late…the mod was born…stamp an ‘Alfa’ on it…and call it done.
It doesn’t particularly help of course…that mine is the rainbow colour…I mean there is just so much going on with the appearance that not even a matching rainbow tank could help bring it all together…
Thankfully…it is available in other colours…I say thankfully…and now I do believe…it is also available in various other designs with stab wood etc…
Dimensions: 91 x 54 x 25mm
Temperature Range: 200–650℉ / 95–345℃
Wattage Range: 5–210W
Resistance Range: 0.06-2.5ohm(BYPASS/VW), 0.06-1.0ohm(TC)
Screen: 0.96-inch OLED
Max Output Current: 45A
Batteries Type: 2 x 18650 battery (not included)
Thread: 510 thread
Dual 18650 batteries with 210W output
Comfortable top fire button
Selective Soft/Medium/Strong output
Tri-button design for easy operation
Well…here’s the kicker, as it happens, performance wise…the Alfa is fucking awesome…well of course it is. I mean, this thing being a pile of shit because of it’s looks would just make too much sense…but no, this super-camp looking cloud maker…is an absolute BEAST…If you’re a straight wattage shooter such as myself, you will instantly notice just how hard…and how incredibly fast the Alfa hits, I mean it’s almost beyond instant, it’s as if it knows what you want before you hit the fun button!..So very very quick, and the TC is apparently…rather good …pfft…I’m not even gonna pretend I tested that…
Using the Alfa (as long as you don’t look)…is also very satisfying. The fire button is perfect, and the rubbery Denim grip nipples are oddly…pleasing…? Granted, it’s a bit of a sharp edged device, but it feels really solid and well put together…it’s even kinda weighty…and I like weighty.
The upshot of all this is simple, if you have a ‘different’ taste in …well…anything, you love ‘unique’, and feel bored with the generic regurgitation that saturates today’s device market then…this is actually a really good device. I’ve been using it now (in private) for over a month and it simply hasn’t skipped a beat, I love how hard and fast this thing hits…I just can’t bring myself to look at it…because it make me feel like I’m tripping my tits off.
What isn’t particularly weird however…is the price.
At time of writing Heavengifts currently have this greatly discounted from its original and bizarre price of $98 …(I mean…you gotta be seriously trippin’…it’s only $75 on Arctic Dolphin’s own site)…down to a more palatable $65 / £48.13, and as always with HG, if you use my code APUGS15 at checkout you can trim that down even further to $55.25 / £40.91 …which…appearances aside…is a good price for something this well made that performs as well as it does.
Find that deal here…
It simply has to be the ultimate ‘Marmite’ mod, you’re gonna either love it or hate it purely on the merits of it’s appearance…but if the look does actually happen to do it for you (weirdo) …then you can do far worse than to give this wolf in Lady Gaga’s clothing a try…because it’s actually a great, well made device.
And as always. if you would like to see how this crackhead scored against other more sober items of vapeology then feel free to hop on over to Steampugs, where you will find a wealth of reviews from the Steam team as well as a shop utterly brimmed with highly discounted vape gear.
Until next time