Alright here it is…This person had created a lot of issues in my past between my significant other and I . This person is her sister , she had a drug problem etc etc etc…Shes been doing ok for a year , but we have kept her at a far distance. I have never forgiven her and can never trust her. Recently my GFs father was diagnosed with Cancer , treatable outlook is good. This has brought my GFs sister around ( only at hospital ) . I mix for everyone else and she recently asked if I can make her liquid I SAID NO and i have been pretty firm ( I know pety right ? ) …Tonite we found out the reason she asked is bc the liquid is getting spendy and it would be cheaper for her to smoke so shes thinking of quitting Vaping bc she cant afford 20 to 30 for her liquid … My thought is I make her liquid bc it is the goal to keep people from smoking into get people to quit …I figure I make her buy 1 gallon of VG and PG and 250ml of Nic use that for her stuff…My issue is that im scared that this will open a door to more drama . Im hoping you great people can tell me what you would do …Is it her problem and since I dont like her who cares ??? Or let bygones be bygones. TIA @grubby im not sure if you remember us talking privately about my relationship issues ??. This girl caused a lot of those issues
Yeah, I remember, that’s a tough one for sure, can you help her but keep her at a distance?
Giving as an act of kindness will never look bad upon you. Someone else image you can not control.
Thats the plan…If I choose to do. You think it would be messed up if I had the ability to prevent her from smoking again and allowed a grudge to get in the way…Grudge is the wrong word , its so much more than that
Not with everything you told me, do you think she will stick with it though?
Vaping ? Yes i do believe she will…
Well, if you can stand the communication it would be a decent thing to do especially with your differences, I just hope that helping doesn’t cause you problems later on
I think the answer is here
Sorry to get in, but if it’s public, I think you want opinions …
Yes I do…i am not sure I want to help this person , but there’s a voice in my head saying HELP her lol…
My concern as well , ty for your thoughts
Wish you the best of luck with that one
I didn’t see this before, hence the late reaction.
I understand where you’re coming from. Problems, drama, etc. I’m sure the drug problem was the biggest part of that hassle, right?
As a former drugaddict, I find this kinda harsh.
I know I fucked up and caused a lot of problems for my family and people around me.
The fact that she’s been doing ok for a year means she’s trying to start afresh.
I’ve been clean for over 38 years now, but I’m not so sure I would’ve made it this far if nobody had given me a chance and turned their backs.
Why try to be better if it doesn’t matter anyway?
I can only speak from my own situation, I don’t know your SIL so I might be way of base here.
You’ve got a real situation there. As you know, that’s your gf’s sister. Sibling connection can be strong and may cause you other problems in the future. First year sober is a gift. If she wants to keep it she will have to go to work now. If she does things will continue to get better over time. I mean time, 20 to 30 years of it depending. Can you be frank with her? You would like to help but you can’t have the trama drama back in your life? Do you know if she has discovered her actions in all of this yet? You need to really review and understand your boundaries here. Not I would like to but…doesn’t cut it. These are the conditions that must be met and maintained. All of these needed changes are more important to her than you so there is nothing unkind about this approach. The rest of the world does not live in the chaos of the addict and does not welcome it in their lives. Before you let bygones be bygones, make sure your dealing with bygones.
@Jose @SmilingOgre thank you both for your response since the original post i have decided to let her know exactly how I feel with no minced words . I was straight to the point and probably a bit harsh but I had to say to her what I said . My fiancee and her sister havent been close for years even prior to the issues . I figured its not like we are having weekly dinners or anything so to help someone out thats trying to help themsleves is the right thing to do …Have I forgiven her or do I trust her No . Right now her sobriety is based on the courts and every time she gets off the program she goes right back to her old ways hopefully this time will be different
You are sober as long and you are “in sobriety”. That is to say one needs to work a program for a lifetime. That can be different for everybody. It may not mean regular meetings, but constant maintenance is necessary. I’m glad to hear you got it out in the open. Helping and enabling can be illusive activities. My best wishes to all involved. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you search it out.
Trust needs to be earned. Building things back up is a lot harder than destroying them.
Boundaries are good. You have to put yourself first and be on your guard.
I can’t say that I did. I was just utterly fed up with the lifestyle and wanted no more of it.
Once you’ve reached that point, shit is easy.
I just weened myself off and went on with my life, just differently. Never looked back, never had an urge to go back to it.