I get that look all the time. I know my dog is spoiled so I screw with her all the time. The dog cannot stand ghost noises. So I get on the ground, call the dog over, and then do ghost noises til she gets pissed. First action from the dog is to bork at me and lick me on the face as much as possible. To no affect of course, I keep doing the noises. Then the second step is to run to my wife and tell on me. Wife is in on the plot by now. So wife then comes in and starts “scolding” me. The dog is just loving it. Standing behind the wife with a huge shit eating grin. I just die of laughter.
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So, shouldn’t Jeffrey Toobin legally change his last name to Tubin’? Or otherwise start his own podcast - The Election Erection with Tubin’ Toobin
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You want nuts on that?
Yes. Yes I do. 
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Growing up we had three Poms at different times, and although I am more of a mid to large dog fan, the Poms were some of the most loving animals I’ve ever had. And nothing, NOTHING, makes for a better alarm system in the home. Those little things can hear a fly fart a continent away.
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Ouchy 
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A man’s wife goes missing and worried the man calls the police,
Husband:
My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home…
Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?
Husband:
I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall?
Sergeant:
Weight?
Husband:
Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant:
Color of eyes?
Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant:
Color of hair?
Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.
Sergeant:
What was she wearing?
Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?
Husband:
She actually went on my Sports Bike…
Sergeant:
What kind of bike was it?
Husband:
It was my brand new Red Honda Fireblade CBR1000RR 2019 YM Bore × Stroke (mm) 76 x 55 Carburation PGM-DSFI Compression Ratio 0.5423611111111112 C02 Emissions (g/km) 132 Engine Displacement (cc) 999cc Engine Type (cm³) Liquid-cooled 4-stroke 16-valve DOHC Inline-4 Max. Power Output 141kW/13,000rpm Max. Torque 114Nm/11,000rpm Oil Capacity (Litres) 3.4 L Starter Electric Wheels Suspension Front Telescopic inverted fork with an inner tube diameter of 43 mm, and a Big Piston Front Fork with preload, compression and rebound adjustment, 120mm stroke Suspension Rear Unit Pro-Link with gas-charged HMAS damper featuring 10-step preload and stepless compression and rebound damping adjustment, 138.2mm stroke. Rear Balance Free Rear Cushion with preload, compression and rebound adjustment, 62mm stroke. Tyres Front 120/70ZR17 58W Tyre Size Rear 190/50ZR17 73W Wheels Front 17 inch Wheels Rear 17 inch Dimensions and Weights Battery Capacity (VAh) 12V-7AH(Li-ion) Caster Angle 23°20’ Dimensions (L×W×H) (mm) 2,065mm x 720mm x 1125mm Frame type Diamond; aluminium composite twin spar Fuel Tank Capacity (Litres) 16L Ground Clearance (mm) 130mm Kerb Weight (kg) 196kg Seat Height (mm) 832mm Trail (mm) 96mm Wheelbase (mm) 1405mm Transmission Clutch Wet, multiplate with diaphragm spring with assist slipper Final Drive Chain Gearbox 6-speed Instruments and Electrics Headlight LED Instruments TFT-LCD Tail Light LED (sobbing).
Sergeant:
Don’t worry mate. We’ll find your bike.
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I can relate to that. I can still tell you every mod I did to my old Mustang that I built 20 years ago. But my wife at that time, I would be just like that guy above.
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Same here. I loved my Mach 1. The wife…eh, not so much.
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Yep the poms have a very strict code of ethics:
1.) Hear something, Bork at it.
2.) See something, Bork at it.
3.) Don’t know what that thing is, Bork at it.
4.) They know what it is, Bork at it.
5.) See another dog, Bork at it.
6.) See another human, Bork at it.
Above all else, just Bork at it!
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Hmm my dogs are a little different, sniff something if you cant eat it or play with it - piss on it
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I do that with bourbon or Scotch. It is an everyday test.
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Greatest post of all time!!
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For years, men and women have argued over which is more painful: being kicked in the bollocks, or giving birth.
So how can we reach an answer? Well, put it this way: about a year after a couple’s first child, a woman will say, “Let’s have another baby.”
But I challenge you to find a man who, one year on, will turn to his mate and say, “Tell you what, Dave… Kick me in the bollocks again.”
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