That’s a Baaahhh(t) joke
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The cat in front of the TV is awesome!
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Such a cool bike 
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Mornin’ Philip. Thanks, I needed that.
Just realized ‘thanks,I needed that’ was a punch line from a commercial from a long time ago. 
Was it Alka Seltzer?
Ah, it was Skin Bracer men’s aftershave, from the 70’s. yeah…I’m old
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Oh hell, Philip. Where do you find this stuff. Your killin’ me.
Thanks again, and keep up the good work!
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Dude, I have to stop reading because I strained a couple of ribs and laughing hurts…
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Mostly memes and such here. I don’t have one just now, but rather a story that makes you want to laugh to keep from crying. Our world has been completely castrated.
So we’re remodeling a bathroom. Wifey purchased a mirror from Home Depot which is only available as an online purchase. It arrived yesterday, broken. I called HD today to get it replaced. I told the lady on the other end of the phone about the situation, to which she replied, and I quote, “I’m so sorry to hear that. I know how you must be feeling. A mirror is often the last thing to do with a bath remodel and now you’re on hold and I’m just so sorry for this dilemma.”
I’m like hey, I didn’t call a suicide hotline did I? She was obviously taken aback by this question and immediately began to inquire if I would like to speak with her manager on duty. I told her no, I just want to get a replacement for this broken mirror.
She then launched into another participation trophy-driven dialog, saying “we can definitely do that. Can you hold the phone a moment while I contact the supplier? I’m going to see if we can get you a refund and another mirror out right away.” I told her I’m not looking for any freebies here, just a replacement.
After a few minutes on hold she came back on the line and apologized profusely for keeping me on hold “forever” and explained that the manufacturer is not in the office today. Duh…it’s Sunday I thought. So I tell her “ok, what can we do?”
I’ll spare you the rest of her touchy-feely nonsense for the next what had to be 5 minutes. She did help me, but ended the call with “I hope I’ve helped you resolve your issue. Here at Home Depot we strive to make sure every customer is satisfied with every transaction. I’m just deeply sorry you had this experience.”
OMG!! Does anyone know if you can get diabetes of the ear?
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My word, that’s the opposite of what I had to deal with with Amazon yesterday, and now I feel compelled to tell you 
So…I bought a heavy duty folding chair for my mum off Amazon for a holiday next week, it was £134, so…the chair arrived day after, it was the wrong colour so…I got onto the customer service via there online ‘chat’ thing.
‘You are now connect to Jane in customer services’
I tell the assistant the problem, she’s apologetic but disappears for 15 minutes while she finds out what the apparent automatic options are, and while she was gone, I’d noticed on Amazon that the colour they had actually sent me was only £74…so…new problem, now that I know about this - I’d quite like to keep the chair and live with the colour if it means saving £60 so…once she’s back I tell her this new found information, and tell her that instead I’d just like to keep the chair as long as I only have to pay the price of the chair I have, also…the delivery time was now 4 weeks (China) , so…a partial refund please…she goes away for another 15 minutes to find out if she can do that…
‘End message’
‘You are now connected to Karen in customer services’
Ok…I give Karen a few minutes to catch up, go through my request again, she says she is not authorised to give a partial refund and the only option I have is to return the chair to get a refund and then re-order the chair… …I say 'That’s ridiculous, is there anyone there that does have the authority to give a partial refund and save me the rigmarole that she is suggesting…she goes off to find out…
‘End message’
‘You are now connected to Deepak in customer services’
‘Hi Paul, give me a few minutes to read the previous conversation’
Fine…20 minutes pass…he offers a full refund once I send the chair back.
"NO…I don’t want to send the (refrains from typing FUCKING) chair back, I want to keep the (refrains again) chair, but I only want to pay the cost of the (still refraining) chair.
“Ah…right I see…1 second”…another 20 minutes pass, "We can’t do that, but if you send it back for a full refund you can then order it again at the correct price.
I ALREADY HAVE THE FUCKING CHAIR…I DONT WANT TO WAIT A MONTH TO RE ORDER THE SAME FUCKING CHAIR WHEN I HAVE THE FUCKING CHAIR SAT IN MY FUCKING LIVING ROOM… I. JUST. WANT. TO. PAY. THE. CORRECT. FUCKING. PRICE …is what I wanted to say.
‘End message’
‘You are now connected to Alexander from customer services’
I actually typed out ‘Listen here knob head’…but deleted it, I calmed myself, went through the whole thing again, he told me what I already knew 9 times and then got on the phone to an ‘associate’…fuck knows who this guy is, but…he agreed to give me a full refund now so that I could re order the same fucking chair to get it sooner…and then offered to collect this chair once I was back from my holiday.
'You know what fine…fuck it…because silently…I had a light bulb moment, and this was already 2 hours into this conversation, so… I thought, we only really need this chair for next weeks holiday, so…if they pick it up after the holiday, I’ll just use the fucking chair anyway, then…keep my refund 
they pick it up…free chair hire
Ok done deal
‘Message ended’
I then received an email from ‘Alexander in customer services’ stating that the refund had been issued and here is the return label for ‘you’ to use when ‘you’ return the chair in the next 7 days.
NOOOOOOOO
So…I go back into chat, when it opens all my previous chat is there, it asks
'Are you still having problems with this order (shows picture of fucking chair…which is now it’s full name)
I click ‘Yes’
‘We’d like to thank you for returning the chair which is now back with us, a full refund has been issued’
I now have a full refund, and I still have the fucking chair.
I’m not going to tell them, because they almost killed me…fuck em 
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I did the same with an ‘Ultimate Ears’ bluetooth speaker that just wouldn’t turn on after 6 months, Amazon said ‘bin it, here’s a refund’
I then discovered online the process to fix/reset it which involved pressing 3 buttons at once…
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Meanwhile, in Amazon customer service call center…uh, we have 10 to 1 odds it will take no less than 4 associates to get this guy to say “fine…fuck it.”
Preiceless!!!
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It’s not the robots fault @SthrnMixer, it’s the SCRIPTS their forced to read.
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Brilliant.
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A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
The rancher says, “Okay , but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life - chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull…
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…
“Your badge! Show him your BADGE!”
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@woftam 
lmao
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Introducing the new turbo steep. Guaranteed to froth more than any coffee frother or wacky syringe method you will ever use
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Darn! I wish I would have thought of that!
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Hilarious! Revisited this 3 times…didn’t see the tape LMFAO
Careful,that shit’ll make you blind 
Damnit, that screen is starting to look blurry to me. Hope my GC get’s here soon… LOL
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