Come and have a laugh

#533

I had to contribute :laughing:

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#534

Well then, touche!!!

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#535

I laughed my ass off at the prophets joke!

And the antenna one brought a healthy chuckle too. :grinning:

The dough, and potato head ones though… :roll_eyes: /groan

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#536

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#537

Just took this pic of a car on the back of a tow truck while I was driving home. Seemed rather ironic. Maybe they jinxed themselves.

Ironic

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#538

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘what is the price of this lovely bracelet?’

He answer, “Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you’re going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!”


During a visit to the mental asylum, Guy asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.’

‘Oh, I understand,’ said Guy. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or teacup.

‘No.’ said the Director, ‘A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?’


A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables. The bartender says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything”.

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says “Bartender, I’ll have one, and one for the road”.

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says “Hey, why the long face?”

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

The Invisible Man and the Invisible Woman got married. Their kids weren’t much to look at.

The nurse walks into the psychiatrist’s office and says "Doc, there’s a guy out here that thinks he’s invisible. The doctor replies “Tell him I can’t see him”.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office completely naked and wrapped in plastic wrap. The nurse says “Clearly I can see your nuts.”

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#539

A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father “Dad, what’s the difference between ‘theoretically’ and ‘realistically’?”

His dad thinks and then says “Right-o son, go and ask your Mother if she’d sleep with David Beckham for a million quid.”

The boy runs off and comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a Million pounds.”

“OK son,” says his dad. “Now go and ask your sister the same question.”

The boy runs off, and comes back saying “Dad, dad”, she said “she would too!”

So then his dad says “Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he’d sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds.”

The son comes back excitedly saying “Dad! Dad! He said he would too!”

Well there you have it, son," said his dad.

“Theoretically the family could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we’re living with two tarts and a poof.”

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#540

This one is for @Grubby

A computer programmer was heading to the grocery store when his wife stopped him saying “Don’t forget to grab a loaf a bread. And if they have eggs, grab a dozen.”

He returned an hour later with twelve loaves of bread.

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#541

So true… :laughing:

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#542
if($eggs == true) {
    $loaves = ‘’;
    $loaves =  Grab($loaves + 12);
  return $loaves;
}
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#543

Not bad. @Steampugs favorite line is C:'Enter'

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#544

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#545

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#546

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#547

I may never sing that song the original way again! LMFAO

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#548

Are you old enough to remember when the Ford Aerostar minivan was first introduced? They used the same music… “This is the dawning of the Age of the Aerostar.” Another one that stuck with me annoyingly for 33 years or so.

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#549

Yeah I recall that one. Never had a problem with getting that one stuck in the head though. I thought it was dumb AF. Didn’t even rhyme…

Awning, dawning… Obvious.
Asparagus, Aquarius? Funny AF (and then some to me.)

Aerostar for Aquarius?
Yeah…about as funny as if Carrot Top was the Super Bowl halftime entertainment. (epic fail)

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#550

Bitter much? :slight_smile:

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#551

My not liking it does not auto-translate into some sort of indictment of you for liking it…
I remembered it as well (once you mentioned it) right?

Maybe I shouldn’t have shared why I remembered it…

I can’t stand David Spade and Chris Farley shit either. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like folks who enjoy them.

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#552

Oh, Sparky. I was commenting on how offended it seemed to make you. I certainly find no offense in whether someone likes a lame slogan from 30 years ago. I thought you understanded my sarcastic nature by now! Unless you were responding in kind and it was I that missed it.

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